We're talking, of course, about Chonkers.

The oversized Steller sea lion who captured the Bay Area's heart by commandeering local platforms and living his absolute best life has apparently decided he's too good for the paparazzi. Chonkers has been a no-show lately for the tourists and news crews who've been camping out hoping for a glimpse of the big guy. The working theory? He's out fishing — doing more honest work than half the city's commissions and task forces combined.

In his absence, a smaller juvenile Steller — affectionately dubbed "Chonk 2" — has been holding down the fort on the platforms. Think of it as a succession plan, except one that actually works because no bureaucrats were involved in the process.

Look, we get it — a sea lion story isn't exactly hard-hitting fiscal policy analysis. But there's something genuinely refreshing about a creature that asks nothing of San Francisco's taxpayers, provides enormous entertainment value, and solves his own food security without a single line item in the city budget. Chonkers is, in many ways, the libertarian ideal: self-sufficient, unbothered by regulation, and absolutely massive.

We'll keep monitoring the situation. In the meantime, Chonk 2 is reportedly doing a fine job as interim platform manager — a role he assumed without a $400,000 consulting study or a Board of Supervisors vote.

Godspeed, big fella. Come back when you're ready. The tourists can wait.