A newcomer to Bernal Heights recently raised a question that a lot of San Franciscans have quietly asked themselves: why won't anyone make eye contact around here?

The new resident — a person of color who recently relocated to one of SF's supposedly more community-oriented neighborhoods — described a vibe of avoidance: no returned smiles, reserved neighbors, the general sense that everyone's wrapped up in their own invisible force field. They wondered, fairly, whether race played a role or whether this is just How It Is.

Here's the honest answer: it's probably a bit of both, and it's definitely not unique to Bernal.

San Francisco has a well-documented friendliness deficit. We're a city that prides itself on progressive values and inclusivity but somehow can't manage a nod on the sidewalk. Part of it is cultural — transplant-heavy cities tend to lack the organic social fabric of places where people grew up together. Part of it is the sheer economic anxiety that hangs over the Bay Area like Karl the Fog's less charming cousin.

As one local put it, "There's an atmosphere of anxiety and burnout across the Bay Area… there's this atmospheric weight of the tech industry and America falling apart." That's not an excuse for being cold to your neighbor, but it's context.

The deeper problem is structural. When housing costs mean your neighbor might be gone in six months, people stop investing in relationships. When remote work means half your block never leaves the house, the sidewalk becomes a ghost town. When city government spends billions without making daily life noticeably better, people retreat inward. Community doesn't just happen — it needs conditions that make it possible, and San Francisco's policies have been systematically undermining those conditions for years.

For what it's worth, Bernal does have genuine community infrastructure — the farmers market, Precita Park, local shops that actually know regulars. But you have to push through the initial frost.

Our advice to the newcomer: keep smiling. Introduce yourself to your immediate neighbors. Show up at the same coffee shop at the same time. San Francisco rewards persistence, even if it doesn't reward friendliness. And if the vibe never warms up? That's not a you problem — it's an SF problem that no amount of taxpayer-funded "community engagement initiatives" has managed to fix.

Maybe we should start with just waving back.