For two miles.

Let that sink in. That's roughly $500 per mile, or about $62.50 per human to travel a distance most people could walk in 35 minutes. Welcome to the SF wedding-industrial complex, where even the simplest logistics come with a luxury markup that would make a Pentagon contractor blush.

The bride-to-be — planning an admirably modest affair, by the way — found herself stuck between bad options. A corporate Uber fund sounds fine on paper, but when half your guests treat smartphones like alien technology, you're just adding stress to what should be a celebration. Party buses scream bachelorette-in-the-Marina, not "elegant civil ceremony." And traditional limo services are priced like you're renting a yacht.

The real solution? Stop overthinking it. As one local put it bluntly: "Designate three responsible people to order Uber XLs — six max per car." Three cars, two miles, done. Total cost: maybe $150. Hand each designated driver-orderer a hundred bucks for their trouble, and you've still saved $700 over the party bus quote.

But our favorite suggestion was the truly San Francisco play: "Take the bus, then a cable car. That would be memorable. Buy weekend passes for all the wedding guests." Cost per person? About $13 for a day pass. Total for 16 people: $208, and you get a story nobody will ever forget. Grandma on a cable car in her Sunday best? That's the wedding photo that goes viral.

There's a bigger point here. SF's transportation ecosystem has a bizarre gap between "absurdly expensive private service" and "figure it out yourself on Muni." For a city that prides itself on innovation and accessibility, we still can't offer a reasonable middle-ground option for a small group that needs to get from Point A to Point B without either a four-figure invoice or a computer science degree.

The couple will figure it out — people always do when the market fails them. But maybe someone out there with a clean Suburban and a nice suit sees a business opportunity. San Francisco could use more practical solutions and fewer $1,000 two-mile rides.