We'd laugh, but honestly, is this really less rational than the current system?

Consider what it actually takes to land a rental in this city. You need a credit score that would make a mortgage broker weep with joy, pay stubs proving you earn roughly three times the rent (so, six figures for a mediocre one-bedroom), and the willingness to show up to an open house like it's a casting call alongside thirty other desperate applicants. One local suggested the aspiring tenant try "the Nvidia campus or assisted living facilities" — because apparently the only people who can afford to own property in San Francisco are either tech executives or people who bought in 1974.

Another resident cut through the humor with some real talk: "It's an absolute rat race out there and you've gotta be local to run with the rats." That tracks. Out-of-towners applying remotely don't stand a chance against someone who can show up same-day with a cashier's check, a winning smile, and apparently, impressive forearm vascularity.

Here's the thing — this is funny, but the joke writes itself because San Francisco's housing policies have spent decades making it nearly impossible to build enough units to meet demand. Between byzantine permitting processes, NIMBY obstruction, and a planning commission that treats every proposed building like a personal affront, we've engineered a shortage so severe that people are literally workshopping pickup lines for property owners.

When your housing market turns renters into con artists and apartment viewings into speed-dating events, maybe — just maybe — it's time to let people build more housing. Until then, we wish our veiny-forearmed friend nothing but the best. He's going to need it.