Yes, that's where the bar is now.

Video circulating online shows a security guard pursuing a shoplifter who bolted through an emergency exit — apparently a well-known escape route for the sticky-fingered set. The receipt left behind? One potato wedge. We can't even make this up.

And honestly, the community reaction tells you everything about the state of retail theft in this city. As one SF resident put it: "Is security chasing after shoplifters now? Pretty awesome to see." The fact that basic loss prevention is being celebrated like a Super Bowl touchdown says more about our dysfunction than any crime statistic ever could.

Another local summed up what everyone's actually feeling: "I sympathize with people who are struggling, but doing nothing about shoplifting has been a serious problem and it only helps Amazon and Walmart." Bingo. Every locked-up toothpaste aisle, every shuttered Walgreens, every store that cuts hours — that's a direct tax on law-abiding San Franciscans who just want to buy groceries without navigating a fortress.

The downstream effects are real and measurable. Stores close. Neighborhoods lose access. Prices go up to cover shrinkage. And the people hurt most aren't tech workers who can absorb a price hike — it's the working families in neighborhoods that are already underserved.

Look, nobody's calling for draconian crackdowns over a potato wedge. Food banks exist. Resources exist. But the years-long experiment of essentially decriminalizing retail theft hasn't produced some compassionate utopia — it's produced plexiglass barriers, buzzer systems, and food deserts.

So here's to the security guard who actually did his job. In a functioning city, that wouldn't be news. In San Francisco, it's a cause for celebration.

Maybe someday we'll raise our expectations above "someone tried."