Welcome to the secret morning coffee rave for singles, the latest entry in SF's never-ending quest to reinvent how humans meet each other without the crutch of a dating app.

Here's the pitch: you show up to an undisclosed location (details shared via invite-only channels), grab a pour-over or a matcha, and dance it out from roughly 7 to 10 a.m. The vibe is somewhere between a SoulCycle class and a house party, minus the $40 price tag and the 2 a.m. regret. Organizers keep the locations rotating and the crowds curated, which is either charmingly exclusive or annoyingly gatekeep-y depending on your disposition.

Look, we're not here to mock people for trying to connect in a city where half the population works remotely and the other half is too exhausted from their BART commute to make small talk. San Francisco has a loneliness problem, and it's not going to be solved by another algorithm. If sweating to house music at 7:30 a.m. while holding an oat milk latte is what gets people out of their apartments and talking to actual humans, then honestly? More power to them.

What's interesting from a market perspective is that this is a zero-government-subsidy, zero-taxpayer-dollar solution to a genuine social problem. No one filed for a grant. No one convened a task force on urban isolation. Someone just rented a space, hired a DJ, and charged for coffee. The free market, doing what it does best — filling a need that bureaucracy wouldn't even know how to identify, let alone address.

The only real question is whether dancing sober at dawn actually leads to lasting connections or just a really good Instagram story. But hey, at least it's cheaper than therapy.

If you know, you know. And if you don't — maybe that's the point.