Happy Easter, San Francisco — the only city where the holiday's most talked-about event isn't an egg hunt but a contest to crown the beefiest messiah in Dolores Park.

The annual Hunky Jesus competition returned this weekend, and this year's winner was — wait for it — Renewable Jesus. Because in San Francisco, even the Son of God has to have a sustainability angle. One imagines him turning water into oat milk and multiplying loaves of locally sourced sourdough.

For the uninitiated, Hunky Jesus is exactly what it sounds like: contestants dress up as various interpretations of Jesus Christ and compete for the crowd's adoration in Dolores Park on Easter Sunday. It's been a fixture of the city's cultural calendar for years, organized by the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence. It's irreverent, theatrical, and very, very San Francisco.

Look, we're not here to clutch pearls. This is a city that has always thrived on pushing boundaries, and the event is genuinely beloved by the thousands who show up every year. Dolores Park on Easter is one of those quintessentially SF scenes — sunshine (if you're lucky), packed blankets, questionable beverage choices at 11 a.m., and a guy in a loincloth holding a solar panel.

What we will say is this: the fact that the winning Jesus was themed around renewable energy tells you everything about San Francisco's cultural immune system. Even satire here has to pass an ideological purity test. You couldn't just be Hunky Jesus — you had to be policy-relevant Hunky Jesus. Somewhere, a regular Hunky Jesus with no particular platform is wondering where it all went wrong.

Still, credit where it's due: the event costs the city relatively little, draws a massive crowd, and doesn't require a $4 million feasibility study or a board of supervisors vote. By San Francisco standards, that practically makes it a model of fiscal efficiency.

Happy Easter, everyone. May your resurrections be renewable.