Here's a dirty little secret that no one moving to San Francisco wants to believe: you don't actually have to spend $18 on a cocktail to enjoy this city.

Yes, your rent is obscene. Yes, a mediocre burrito somehow costs $16 now. But the thing about San Francisco that justifies the financial masochism of living here is that the city's greatest assets — the ones that actually make your life better — cost absolutely nothing.

Let's start with the obvious: this city is surrounded by staggering natural beauty that would cost you a resort fee anywhere else. Lands End at sunset. The Coastal Trail from the Presidio to Baker Beach. The hidden staircases of Telegraph Hill. The entirely free Botanical Garden if you're an SF resident (flash your ID). Golden Gate Park on a Saturday morning before the tourist buses arrive. None of this costs a dime.

Then there's the cultural infrastructure. Free days at SFMOMA, the de Young, and the Legion of Honor rotate throughout the year. The Main Library hosts lectures, film screenings, and events that would cost $30 in New York. Stern Grove has been hosting a free summer concert series since 1938 — world-class acts, zero cover charge.

On the food front, the city's ethnic food corridors remain a lifeline for the budget-conscious. A bowl of pho in the Tenderloin for $12. Tacos in the Mission that haven't yet been "elevated" by a James Beard nominee. Dim sum in the Sunset that puts most expensive downtown spots to shame.

Here's the fiscal conservative's take on all this: San Francisco charges you dearly to exist here through taxes, fees, and cost of living. The least it can do is provide world-class public spaces and accessible culture in return. And to its credit — when you strip away the bureaucratic bloat and questionable spending priorities — the bones of this city deliver.

The real expense of San Francisco isn't living here. It's forgetting to take advantage of what you're already paying for. So before you doom-scroll Zillow listings in Austin, lace up your shoes and walk to Ocean Beach. Watch the fog roll in. It won't cost you a thing.

That's the best deal in the most expensive city in America.