Look, Alcatraz is great. It's a crumbling federal prison on a rock in the middle of the Bay, and somehow we've turned it into one of the most popular tourist attractions in America. Capitalism is beautiful.

But tours get cancelled — weather, logistics, the general entropy of government-managed anything — and when they do, visitors panic. We've seen the question pop up constantly this week from out-of-towners scrambling for a Plan B. So here's your no-nonsense guide to spending an afternoon in San Francisco that might actually be better than shuffling through cell blocks with 200 strangers.

Get on the water anyway. One local recommends Adventure Cat, a catamaran sailing outfit that runs 90-minute cruises under the Bay Bridge and around Alcatraz itself. "Every time we've taken people on it, they have loved it," they said. You'll see the island, you just won't be standing in a gift shop. That's a win. They also do sunset sails if you want to class it up.

Angel Island is the move that savvy locals suggest. It's Alcatraz's bigger, greener, less incarcerated neighbor — a state park with hiking trails, historic military installations, and panoramic views of the whole Bay. Take the ferry from Tiburon or Pier 41 and spend a few hours pretending you're outdoorsy.

Stay on land if you prefer. The California Academy of Sciences in Golden Gate Park has a world-class aquarium and a rainforest dome full of butterflies — perfect if you're an animal lover. The Exploratorium on the Embarcadero is another strong pick, especially if you like touching things you probably shouldn't.

For something completely different, one SF resident swears by Dear San Francisco, an acrobatic theater show in North Beach. "It's an intimate theatric experience with acrobats and if you're lucky, you get to sit on stage," they said. Pair it with dinner in North Beach and you've got yourself an evening.

And for the budget-conscious — our people — SF City Guides runs free walking tours across 70+ neighborhoods. Donate what you wish. The Chinatown and Castro tours come highly recommended.

One last thing, and we say this with love to our Canadian visitors: please don't call it "San Fran." The city has enough problems without that.